Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
