I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
