dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
