So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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