I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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