let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
