Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
