woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Michael Bay diarrhea
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
