Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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