Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
