you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
