Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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