Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
