I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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