It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
