I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
