no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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