Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
