i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
