he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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