It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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