Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
