i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
