just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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