One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
