remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
not ubering you a puppy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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