you turned your livingroom into a bong?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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