Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
