I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
