honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
