just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
