we're blogging at a bar
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
