just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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