oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
