Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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