you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
