my phone needs a breathalizer
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
