That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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