I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
