oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are all done wearing pants today
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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