I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize