I need help removing her.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
