Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
