i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
