I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
did i walk over a car last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
