I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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