i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
