If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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