I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
