The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
