Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
