Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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