smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
