I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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