Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
