I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
