you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
