but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
