Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
