Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm jealous of your bromance
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
