I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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