Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
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If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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