i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
