Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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