Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
