the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
