my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
