The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
