why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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