PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
