let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
