Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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