my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
