no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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