i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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