Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
