Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
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